Elaine Grundy: looking for Urban Enlightenment

Byron Katie, The School of the Work learning #1: Literal Listening

As I am trying to digest the last 9 days experience, its almost unspeakable what happens to you, not in a bad or weird way, but it’s such an intense experience its unspeakable in that it is almost impossible to explain!  Like all good things (eg Reiki Attunements, warm flourless chocolate cake, smelling a new born baby) these are things to be experienced, not taught.

So here goes an intellectual version of the real thing!
#1 Literal Listening:

In many other tools and philosophies (Law of Attraction, NLP) we are taught that the universe hears us literally, and whatever we focus on is what we get.  So for example in LOA we do not use negatives such as “I don’t want to be fat” because the Universe picks up on the focus ie the word ‘fat’ and gives us more of that.

In learning to speak literally and to get really clear on what we want, Byron Katie flips it and asks us to get really literal on what we hear as well.  It seems so obvious, but it was a real lightbulb for me.

For example, you’re having a fight and your partner yells at you “You’re not Listening to me!!!!!” what goes on in your head when that is said is probably a similar version to what goes on in my head:

“That’s not true!  I totally listen, he’s the one not listening!”
“I can repeat everything he said to me!”
“I don’t need to listen, he’s already repeat himself 5 times”
"I don’t need to listen, he’s wrong anyway”  Etc etc

In literal listening, we hear the statement: “You’re not Listening to me!!!!!” and we pause, take it in, and ask ourselves…is it true?

Well, duh!  With all that nonsense going on in my head, of course I'm not listening!

The usefulness of this technique is in its simplicity, and truth.  If we assume the Universe is kind, everything that happens to us is part of the Universal support for our growth and learning.  So when someone says to us “You’re not Listening to me!!!!!” it’s a strong message from the Universe that we need to start listening – yes to the person who is talking to us, but also elsewhere in our life, eg. To ourself, to the world, to others, to our body etc etc where else in your life are you not listening?

There’s another way this works that is a real gem if you are fed up of fighting with loved one.  I now see every argument as a gift from the Universe, lots of messages for me to meditate on!  Recently my hubbie and I started a heated discussion on the topic of our children, but instead of rushing to my own defense, I rushed for the pen and paper, sat down and started scribbling furiously as he talked “What else?” I asked him.  You can imagine it stopped the fight dead.  Who can stay angry when you are nodding and writing and feeling gratitude that your partner is such a brilliant teacher, and who can remain unheard and frustrated when your partner is scribbling down your every word and asking for more feedback?

The end of War, now that’s something worth learning!

Law of Attraction Evening is here!

Many of you are familiar with the success of the book "The Secret" and many of you no doubt have read it and follow some of its precepts.  In this evening I am introducing concepts from the book "Ask and it is Given" by Esther Hicks which includes a crucial component to the LOA mix - the part of emotion.

This evening will provide you with tools to play with and although simple, they will begin to shift you antennae away from what you don't want, and towards what you do want.  This simply recalibration will have a fundamental impact on what begins to show up in your life.

If you have already read and enjoyed Law of Attraction this is an opportunity to practise the concepts and gain a deeper understanding to what the next steps might be,  even if you are a newbie to Law of Attraction concepts, this evening is fun, inspiring and if nothing else, you'll figure out what you would do with $10 million dollars :)  Enough said!

Wednesday September 30th, 7.30-9.30pm, $30
booking@elainegrundy.com

Eating one mouthful at a time

A friend of mine gifted me a wonderful book by Ajahn Brahm, Opening the Door of your Heart,  There are many lovely learning anecdotes in the book but one of them particularly struck me - being present, I quote directly from the book:

"We often fail to savor the moment.  Instead, while we are chewing on one piece of food, our attention is distracted as we look at our plate to choose the next thing on our fork.  some are even two or three forkfuls ahead of themselves - one forkful is in the mouth, one is waiting on the fork, another is heaped up waiting on the plate, while the mind contemplates the morsel coming third on the fork.

In order to relish the taste of your food, and know life in its fullness, we should often savor one moment at a time in silence.  Then we might get our money's worth in the fivestar restaurant called life."

The following day after reading this I observed myself at lunch.  I was eating a lovely bowl of Vietnamese beef noodles and at the beginning I was doing exactly what Brahm said I would do, one mouthful was chewing, while my fingers where pulling noodles out the bowl to rest on the spoon waiting to be shoveled in while my eyes were thinking about what next.  I was 3 mouthfuls away from reality!  I was shocked!  I put down my chopsticks, my spoon and refocused on my chewing.  My lunch partner had long finished his meal by the time I was half way through but I have to say it was a much more enjoyable experience, I only ate half the bowl as I was able to sense I was full much more accurately than normal (so maybe a great way to watch your weight as well!), and I didn’t notice I got any hungrier because of it.  I have been trying to make it an exercise in presence ever since and I have definitely slowed down my eating and improved my digestion as a result. 

I think the longer term benefit is in helping me practice presence – when we are present we slow down time, appreciate what we have and enjoy life much more fully, rather than chasing after things 3 mouthfuls away!  I have also noticed that in slowing down time we give ourselves space to think and make decisions about the next steps we want to take in life.  Instead of having to have the answer 3 steps away, we can make the decision when the time is right.  When I have fully swallowed one mouthful, then I am in the right place to decide what to have for the next mouthful.  How will I know what I will want in 3 mouthfuls time? 

The Myth of the "Should"

Ever wondered what this world would be like if we banned the word ‘should’?  I have, and I vote we do it!  Should is a horrible restrictive word, when I say it to myself I can actually feel the energy around my heart constrict and I feel a mild wave of depression in my brain.  It’s not a nice feeling.

Now try the word ‘could’.  When I think the word ‘could’ I feel curious, positive, opportunity, permission.  It also affects my brain only, I don’t feel my heart getting involved, or my organs – just my imagination, and it fires up possibility without the restrictive judgment of ‘should’.  Could is neutral, should is negative.

I should be more engaged at work
I could be more engaged at work

I should be making more money
I could be making more money

I should be a kinder/better/more spiritual person
I could be a kinder/better/ more spiritual person

I should….reflects failure, not doing well enough, not trying hard enough, like a finger wagging at you.
I could….reflects the possibility of more to come, of choice and of different strategies – there isn’t a feeling of failure but more an openness to change and try different things – it’s not personal and it’s not about you as a failure.  At the end of the day we all try our hardest, and even if we know we are not giving it our all, we are giving the best we can at the time – and that is good enough.

So next time you hear yourself saying ‘should’ to yourself or to someone else, change it to a ‘could’ and feel the difference!

The Power of Intention

Less than two years ago I signed onto a service on tut.com to receive daily ‘inspirational’ emails – I highly recommend it, they are brilliant, uplifting and always give me a giggle.  When signing up, they ask you to put down your dream, and every now and again whatever you wrote pops up in the daily reminder email, cleverly weaved into the text of the message.

When I was signing up I hummed and hahed about what to write, at the time I was newly arrived in Singapore, just started teaching Reiki again and not really thinking about my work with two young children still at home.  But I figured I had nothing to lose so I wrote ‘a flourishing Reiki Centre’, and had a giggle every few months when an email popped into my inbox asking me how I was enjoying my ‘flourishing Reiki Centre’.

Well two years is a long time in terms of Attraction, especially when you are honing and practicing – manifesting becomes speedier and easier with every try.  Two months ago I set the intention to sell What Therapy.com an internet business I had set up to provide directory and information services on Natural Therapists in Singapore.  The day I made the intention public, I found a buyer.  That’s speedy!

Since that day, another email popped into my inbox, reminding me again of my ‘flourishing Reiki Centre’ and this time I was in a position to say ‘YES!’ to that reminder and promptly changed my business name to The Reiki Centre Pte Ltd.  Who knows what will come of this, but now when those reminders pop into my email I’ll be reminded to go into my settings and tick the ‘received’ box and change my dream to the next BIG one :)

Not only has this process reminded me of the effortlessness of attraction, but also the importance of keeping the reminders going and of focusing on the WHAT’s and not the HOWs.  Once the WHAT you want is clear and positive and exciting to you, the HOW takes care of itself in strange and mysterious ways!  Wish me luck on now creating the ‘flourishing’ part!

Looking at Solution Focused Coaching!

I’ve just completed part 1 of the Solution Focus coaching certification run by the Academy of Solution Focused Training and I LOVE the concepts. I have been using them at home and on unsuspecting passer-bys with great success!  The general idea is extremely simple: to start with the end in mind.  Is that a massive revelation to you?  Probably not very earth shattering, but if done very specifically, it is amazing how many of your problems disappear when you start to shine the torch on what you want, as opposed to what you DON’T want.

This is Law of Attraction at its finest, which is another reason I love this type of coaching, it refocuses you on what is working, and pretty much ignores what is not working.  It’s not what we’re used to, and not what feels particularly natural, but when you persevere, its remarkable the results that fall out of this type of enquiry.  Take my daughter for example, she’s 5 years old and terrified of bedtimes – she has bad dreams.  So every night she lies with me and panics about all the bad dreams, monsters, and horrid lurking things about to attack her, obviously not a very good way to get to sleep!  She is 100% focused on what she doesn’t want, her language says it all “I don’t want to go to sleep cos I’ll have bad dreams”. I don’t like bedtime because I’ll have bad dreams”, I don’t want to have bad dreams anymore!”  Is all I get when I use general questions on her like ‘what’s the matter?’, ‘what’s the problem’, ‘what do you want?’. 

So with my Solution Focus hat on I ask her the Goal-focused question which is ‘what do you want instead?’  She pauses and then says, “I want to dream about Princesses!”  ‘What else?’ I ask her, “Fairies!  And rainbows, and flowers, and unicorns…”  And so we go on, and very soon she is fast asleep with a big smile on her face. 

So simple = too simple?  Try it on anything, any problem you are struggling with, ask yourself these few easy questions:

1.   What do you want instead?

2.   How will you know when you have what you want?

3.   How will things be different for you?

4.   What actions will you be taking that you are not taking at the moment?

Here’s a recent example from a client of mine:

Problem “I look at things so negatively, I always start to worry about things that haven’t even happened yet and probably won’t, it’s so draining -  I can’t sleep at night, I want to stop all this!  I don’t want to worry anymore.”

1.   What do you want instead?

I want to be happy; I want to be positive about life.

2.   How will you know when you have what you want?

I’ll wake up after a good night’s sleep with a smile on my face, I’ll look forward to getting out of bed and starting my day, I’ll be excited about my day and what I have to do.  I’ll feel enthusiastic but peaceful.

3.   How will things be different for you and your loved ones around you?

Oh that’s easy, I’d be much more pleasant to be with!  I’d be smiling more and have more time for my family, more time for myself, at the moment I just lurch from crisis to crisis.  I’d be calm, more focused – the smiling is a big one!

4.   What actions will you be taking that you are not taking at the moment?

I’d definitely be taking better care of myself, my diet and probably doing more exercise – that always makes me feel great.  I’ll have all my tasks organized so that I know what I have to do in the day instead of muddling through like I do at the moment, I’d probably actually have a planned schedule instead of this chaotic mess I have right now!  I’d make sure I have some treats planned in my week to look forward to, like a spa treat or meeting friends for lunch – that’s an obvious thing that would start my day well….

Amazing, just by gaining more clarity on what you actually want, the steps for getting there also become really clear.  After all, we all know what we need to be doing; we just get distracted by shining the torch in the wrong direction, often missing the obvious solutions sitting right under our noses.

Why is it called 'Kundalini' Reiki?

I am writing about this as I continue to get questions about the origins of Kundalini Reiki and how it works, and as I enquire via my own experiences, it is easier for me to answer these questions based on my own intuition - though as always, this is my experience only and it is up to you to draw your own conclusions!

The word 'Kundalini' seems to throw people into spasms of delight or fear, depending on your outlook.  I have to say that after a year of Kundalini Yoga, when I saw the word 'Kundalini' I almost fell over myself to get into the Kundalini Reiki class to learn it for myself.  But for others I know the word 'Kundalini' conjures up all sorts of fears of energy blowing up inside the body etc etc.   As with all energy healing, alternative or allopathic medicine, there is a right and wrong way to do anything, and improper training and use of any therapy can lead to fairly disastrous results.

But let's explore more deeply what Kundalini energy really is.  If we look at the spine, we have many different levels of energy coursing through it and feeding all the different levels of our body energy.  At the most basic biological level we have our skeletal system supported by the back bone, at the next level the back bone protects our central nervous system which supports all our bio-electrical energies.  At the next level we have the Kundalini system which supports our etheric, emotional, and spiritual energy and this is the energy system we tap into when doing Reiki.

To clear it for the record, ALL Reiki makes use of the Kundalini energy of the body, whether it is Usui, Kundalini or many others.  In the Usui system we first clear the energy of the Chakra system in order to attune the body to the Reiki energy.  The Chakra system is essentially the gateway of the Kundalini system and this system ensures the energy flows through the body collecting Earth energy through the Root Chakra and Universal energy through the Crown Chakra.  In Usui Reiki we clear all 7 Chakras to enable the Reiki to automatically flow through the Kundalini system and out the hands.

In Kundalini Reiki we do exactly the same thing but we do it in an accelerated manner and via one attunement instead of four.  The Kundalini system is cleared in one step to allow the Reiki to flow.  There are definitely differences in terms of how the attunements are performed, and how the energy is directed afterwards, but in essence the activation is the same and uses the same energy channel whether you call it Kundalini or Chakra - it is still accessing the highest energy channel of the body.

Reiki is, and always will be, an exceptionally gentle and easy to access system of healing.  Reiki cannot do harm and its activation cannot cause harm - whichever system you choose to follow.  For more information on these systems of healings, please come along to one of my free talks and try it out for yourself!

What is after the Law of Attraction?

I’ve been a massive fan of Law of Attraction for several years, but I have to admit…I think I’m outgrowing it.  Yup, it’s a great tool, but it’s only that – a tool.  And once you’ve reached a certain level of understanding then this tool can become a hindrance for growth to the next level.

When I first came across LOA I was in a pretty grim place emotionally, I thought my life sucked and I thought I sucked even harder.  I seemed to find myself in this mind space that I hadn’t been in since I was an angst ridden teenager, and it was really really uncomfortable.  LOA came along at just the right time and within a very short period of time I pulled my socks up and learnt how to deal with the negativity and how to shift it to positivity, and boy!  did it make a difference to my quality of life.

Now I’ve been cruising for several years in the high emotional contentment/ happy end of the scale and its really really cool but I am now wondering if there is even more to squeeze out of life and also asking myself, ok I know what Happy feels like, so how about Bliss? Joy? Peace?  And in this arena, in my humble opinion, LOA needs to give way to the next tool…

Law of Attraction in a nutshell says ‘what you think, you get’.  So the ‘angst teenager’ phase was thinking extremely destructive thoughts like ‘I really suck at this’, ‘I can’t do…’, ‘I feel tired/terrible/sad/overwhelmed/angry/frustrated at…’ and so hey presto, my life looked exactly like that!  Now in my ‘I’m happy’ phase of life I think things like ‘wow I can really manifest whatever I like’, ‘gosh how cool is life right now’, ‘everything I need is right here, right now’, and hey presto this is what my life looks like right now.  However, the crux of Law of Attraction still revolves around thoughts and beliefs – ie the better you think your life is, the better it actually gets.  You can access ‘happy’ thoughts via a constant stream of corrections and checking and also through physically raising your vibration through practices like Reiki (that’s another blog!). 

Frankly, it can be quite exhausting and as a result it can have varying effects as you yoyo from happy to doubtful to happy again.  Especially when inundated by negative influences from every angle, every day.

So how do you rise above the ‘thinking’ vibration and access the deep peace that resides underneath the monkey mind?  Is it possible to circumnavigate this process completely? 

I think so; by questioning the basis of each thought as it comes in.  Ouch!  Isn’t that even more exhausting?  Actually it’s no more exhausting or disciplined then checking whether your thought is positive or negative, but instead of replacing it with yet another thought, you disengage from the thoughts one by one until they have no impact on you anymore (or at least that’s the theory!).

The result is that you live more in the present and less in your head.  For example the thought ‘I am tired’ in Law of attraction speak would become ‘I am still coping fine’ to ‘I am ok’ to ‘actually I have more energy than yesterday’ to ‘every day I feel a bit better’ to ‘I have more and more energy coming to me’…etc until you get to ‘I am vibrant’ or whatever outcome you are seeking.  But the point is, you are still operating out of your head – you are actually limited by what you can think of, what is the top of your scale that you can reach for.  Can you believe the thought ‘I am intoxicated with bliss’?  Your mind actually becomes a hindrance once you have reached the top echelons of your imagination.

If we circumnavigate beliefs and thoughts we question them as they arise – so the thought ‘I am tired’ gets questioned.  I go inside and feel my body, I connect with my heart, I ask all my cells, I sit quietly and try to reach inside as deep as I can go, I ask my breath…”Is it true, am I tired, right here, right now?” And, if I sit quietly enough, I reach a place under the thought which laughs at me and say “Are you kidding me?  You are 100% fine, can't you feel the pulse of the Universe driving your breath?!” (my innards have a fairly weird sense of humour).  The great thing is, the next time I think the thought ‘I am tired’ I start laughing and it flips all on its own.  One down, 100,000 to go….

To reach beyond your imagination, to reach beyond your mind requires dropping beliefs and thoughts so that you can actually feel and experience beyond the mind, to the spirit or soul or whatever you believe to be ‘greater than mind’.  There are several tools for disengaging with limiting beliefs, the Sedona method designed by Hale Dwoskin is a good, and Byron Katie’s enquiry is another excellent system. Of course Reiki and meditation and other systems designed to get you into Alpha state give you a direct experience of what is 'beyond mind' so that too is very helpful in connecting you with source.  Combining several systems is always my route of choice!

I’ll be going through the Katie Enquiry system on Wed 27^th from 7.30-9.30pm at the Studio in River Valley, so hope this entices you to attend and test drive it for yourself!

Why are you Remarkable?

I went to a wonderful talk by Natasha Golding, of PrettySmart and although she was talking about Websites, her nuggets are worth noting for anything we do and stand for.  Her three questions can form the basis of any self-enquiry whether it be on 'how do I market my business' to 'what is my Life Purpose?'

The key is in beginning with your authenticity.  Who are you, and how are you remarkable?  This is the first question and basically asks you to think about your talents and gifts - what makes you who you are, and when people meet you, how would they 'remark' about you to others?  What are the things that other people say about you that make you stand out in their mind?

For example, there are many Reiki Masters in Singapore but I feel I am remarkable in that I offer a down to earth version of Reiki which is very accessible to people entering the 'holistic' field for the first time.  I offer an approach that allows for a great deal of flexibility and for people to choose how best to incorporate Reiki into their existing lifestyle without demanding any rigidity of thinking, beliefs or lifestyle changes.  Having identified this as my 'remark'able asset I know that in all my communications, my blogging, my website, my talks I need to reinforce this and have it obviously show up in everything I do.  In this way, people often comment that what they read on this website is exactly what they get when they meet me, and that to me is a success!

So the first wonderful question to ponder is "What do you do, and how is it Remarkable?"  Natasha says this inspired question comes from Seth Goldin, marketing guru and avid author of many books with strange titles.

The second great question is "Who do you do it for?"  The question of your ideal client (which is also echoed in great books like Michael Port's 'Book Yourself Solid' and Smith and Assaraf 'The Answer') is a much deeper question than it first appears.  Often we think that any client is good, as long as they pay the bills, and even the bad bill payers are better than nothing.  Actually if we look at the amount of time we spend on our bottom 20% of clients we'll notice that the energy we put into our non-ideal clients actually stop us from servicing our ideal clients properly.  This is the case in everything we do.  When I was training and even sometimes in my Reiki talks, I would find myself focusing on the skeptics or the people who seemed the least interested in what I was saying, and it was both exhausting and demoralizing.  Once I found ways to refocus on those who found what I was saying relevant and of value, I found it much more satisfying for me, and for them.  The skeptics would always be skeptics, the disinterested would always be disinterested - no matter how much energy I poured their way!  Once you figure out who your ideal client is, it is much easier to attract them and also much easier to release those clients who are not serving you (believe me, if they are not serving you, you are also not serving them).  This is not only a business gem by the way, I modify this question to attract my perfect friends, interactions and colleagues too!

The final question is "Why do you do what you do?"  As I said, these questions can really be used for anything - including Life Purpose.  Why do you do what you do?  Is it just for the money?  Is it simply a means to an end?  Are you treading water, waiting?  Or do you have a deep and meaningful reason that drives you out of bed every morning?  Find the underlying driving force for what you do and you will find both your motivation, and your life's work.  Honestly, I do what I do because I get to experience the phenomenal power of human spirit every day.  I watch in awe as people transform their lives, their beliefs, their illness.  I get to applaud as people remember themselves, their life's passion and their inner courage.  Its awesome and I do it for purely selfish reasons!

The Benefits of Losing your Voice

I recently lost my voice, totally, and what a blessing it was!  It came at the tail end of a short but sharp cold and it threw me into fits of coughing every time I opened my mouth.  So for 2 days I could only whisper, but it was far more comfortable to just shut up and watch the world go by.

What surprised me was the lovely freedom that came with it.  For 2 days I couldn’t call anyone, I couldn’t bark instructions at my children, couldn’t plan anything with my husband, couldn’t discuss, complain, direct, defend, authorize, gossip.  The pure joy of it!  It was so peaceful!

My children would wonder the corridors in our home shouting at the tops of their voices, and I realized I would normally be shouting louder, just to be heard.  Yet now they had to come and find me, I could just carry on doing whatever I was doing until they did – no stress, just doing whatever it was I was doing.  Question to self:  Why don’t I do this all the time?  Why do I feel I need to yell out my location every time I am called?

My children experienced the same liberation, instead of the constant stream of instructions coming out of my mouth – eat your breakfast, brush your hair, brush your teeth, stop hitting your sister, hurry up, the bus is coming, brush your teeth!  Come on!  Shoes on, shoes on, bag, BAG, lift is here, come on, come on!  We’re LATE, COME ON! - Which is the usual commentary in our morning household, there was a quiet and gentle presence as I cajoled, herded and waved my arms in an altogether calmer and quieter manner.  I had to be very present and constantly by their sides so they could see me as opposed to yelling at them from the other room whilst multi-tasking – it was a MUCH better experience!  Amazingly we didn’t miss the bus, we didn’t rush (any more than normal!), and we got everything done we needed to do without the shouting and panic.  Big note to self.

The final observation was how lovely it was to not have the constant thinking of what to say going round my head.  This was a surprise to me, I am constantly thinking about what I should be saying next – it doesn’t just come out of my mouth in a stream, I have to first formulate the need to talk, then formulate the thoughts I want to communicate (and what is freaky is that my mind’s resting state is pretty empty – I actually spend energy making thoughts up!), then think about how I want to phrase it, then actually deliver it.  What an exhausting process!  When I was mute, what amazed me was how little I needed to say, it was so nice not to have to think about it, I could just let the world be without the constant need to provide a commentary.  Bliss!

Now my voice is pretty much recovered, the stream has strengthened back to a river, the commentary is comfortably back in place, but I am hoping it is a little less forced, a little less self-conscious, and a little more meaningful.

Everything happens for a reason!  Have you ever been ill and had a big ‘aha’ moment from it?  Comment below!