Life Coaching: Getting to Flow

Welcome to Flow

 

To flow through life is to experience fluidity, flexibility, peace, and an inner joy that comes from being fully present.  Most of us strive for these feelings of peace and joy through striving, achieving, and pushing.  But flow is not resistance, it is the lack of resistance that creates inner peace.

This website is dedicated to flow.  I teach workshops on Law of Attraction, and I coach people going through transition.  I work particularly effectively with people intent on following their own inner current, and wanting to see it authentically present in every aspect of their lives.

Getting rid of Limiting Beliefs

Ever wonder why some people react to outside influences so differently to you? Ever wish you could just 'relax' and 'be yourself'? Do you sometimes even wonder who that 'yourself' is?

Over our lives we become indoctrinated with beliefs from birth - we listen to the opinions of others, we take on our parents worries and fears, we belief what they say when they say 'the world is not safe', 'money doesn't grow on trees', 'cake makes you fat'. We go to school and we believe what our teachers say when they say 'you need to work on your weaknesses', 'without hard work you will never amount to anything', 'you are bad at maths'. Then we listen to our friends, our peers, our bosses, the media, the government, our culture, our religion....and we wonder why we end up with no clue what we really believe, or how we really feel about things.

The great news is that, actually, we do know exactly how we feel about something. We have in our bodies an early warning system, and that's called 'stress'. When we align with beliefs and goals that are in flow with our being, we feel happy and centred. And when we misalign, we feel stressed. Simple.

This workshop is also very simple, we go through and dissect our beliefs, we dig and find out what our limiting beliefs are (be prepared for some surprises) and we learn an easy Four step process of enquiry (from Katie Byron) for eliminating them, one by one.

The morning is about discovery, uncovery (;)) and recovery. By the end of it you will feel more freedom, less stress, more control, less fear, more peace, less frustration, more centredness, less chaos, more happiness, less anger. Join us for an extreme make-over!

Who should come:
• Anyone who feels stressed, angry, frustrated, irritated or anxious!
• Anyone who wants to discover what is holding them back in life.
• Anyone who would like to feel true freedom.

Monday 20th April, 9.30-1pm, $80
booking@elainegrundy.com
282D River Valley Rd

Write your Ideal Scene and increase your Attraction!

Several years ago I was on a year long Law of Attraction course with Eva Gregory, Attraction Coach Extraordinaire.  I learnt lots of fantastic tips from her and the rest of my year long coaches but my favourite is the 'Ideal Scene'.

Its so simple and so effective.  The first time I wrote this I was living in Long Island, New York.  To be honest I wasn't in a very good space mentally, physically or emotionally.  I had spent the past 3 years at home with my two babies, and was exhausted, and certainly not in flow.  It was a desperate lurch to get myself back into the groove and out of the funk I had allowed myself to sink into, so I had an 'all or nothing' approach to it, and with hindsight I think that's why the first year was so phenomenal for me - I had a huge list of things I wanted to turn around including the continent I lived in, the work I was doing, my relationship with my kids, my husband, myself, my diet and well-being, my emotional state, my community....a pretty long list!

So I just went for it, I figured, I have nothing to loose - its only paper and ink :)

What you do is write the date a year ahead at the top of the page, ie Jan 1st 2010, then you begin "What an incredible year its been!..." or something similar.  Then you write about all the different aspects of your life that you would like to see change, it could be your 'perfect home', your 'perfect relationship' or your 'perfect job' and ideally should cover all aspects of your life that are important to you - run into several pages and make it as rich and juicy and exciting as you dare!

Here's the synopsis of how much stretch I put into mine: (bear in mind I was living in the USA at the time I wrote this and we were settled in a home we owned, my husband was working for a multi-national, and Singapore was nowhere near our discussion list, neither was leaving the US)

1. I wanted to live in Singapore
2. I wanted to celebrate my 40th birthday in Bali with ALL my family, and siblings
3. I wanted to be teaching regularly again
4. I wanted to be doing something worthwhile with my brain again
5. and a whole bunch of personal emotional and relationship balance stuff.

In one year, I achieved all that.  Some aspects were different to what I had imagined, and some took slightly more than a year to actualize, but in all cases I saw massive progress.  So you can see why I now do this every year!

I think part of the magic is in focusing yourself on what you want, and being honest about what aspects of your life are far from ideal.  For example, if you write 'I had a wonderfully nurturing year with my husband and our relationship just grows from strength to strength' and you choke on your tea as you write this - then you know you have some work in this area!  The same goes for anything you write, 'my job fulfills and excites me, I created so much value this year with my projects and connections with my team that my boss gave me a substantial raise! I can't wait to see what this year holds for me'...etc.  Just go for it, whatever makes you excited, passionate, whatever would make you deeply fulfilled and happy, get it all down on paper and create some energy around it.

Eva asked us to be very specific, eg, my boss gave me a raise of $20,000! but I have to say that personally I find such specifics limiting, I prefer words like 'huge' or 'substantial' or 'bigger than I could imagine!'  I also focus more on the kind of feelings I want, rather than the type of 'behaviour' I want, eg. I would prefer to write "my children and I continue to develop a loving and fulfilling relationship based on deep respect for each other" as it helps to be my guiding light - when I am shouting at my kids to 'hurry up' I can do a quick check, is this 'loving' or 'fulfilling' or 'respectful'?  This is much more effective at changing behaviour then writing 'my children are incredible, they are so polite and obedient all the time' which sort of sets you up for failure right there and then :)

Once you have your Ideal Scene,then just move towards it, one step at a time, you'll be amazed at what you can achieve in a year!

Excuses on being 'Self-Developed'

We in the self-development field have to be extra vigilant that we don’t replace one rigid belief system, with another.  In our search for more peace, more happiness, we are programmed and trained to look outside of ourselves.  We look to our parents, to our friends, to our education, our job, our governments, our country, our communities…the trick is, of course, to look within, at ourselves.  But even for those of us who know and understand this, DOing it is a completely different thing….

A friend came to me in a quandary; she has been working very consciously on building healthy boundaries between herself and her husband.  Their relationship in the past has been rather one sided (he dictates, she obeys).  Obviously as the shift to a more equal partnership has taken place, there has been much kicking and screaming as both sides have had to adjust to the ‘new’ style of relationship.  She is much happier, though he possibly isn’t, but he’s getting used to it and seeing other benefits (namely a much happier and friendlier wife!).  Throughout this process I have been coaching her to continue her search for inner peace within, and not let outside influences affect her so much – the number one job for all of us.

Her quandary came about one evening when she was feeling a bit fearful of the future, of what that might hold for them and their family.  Her Husband told her that she ‘wasn’t allowed’ to feel down and depressed as that was his job (to be the worrier).  Her job was to be the rock, the positive and optimistic one.  Well, that sent her into a right little mood!  She came to me complaining and upset “why do I always have to be the rock, why can’t he support me when I’m feeling down, it’s always on my shoulders to be responsible for everyone else’s happiness”.  Fair points, all of them – why should she?  Well the point, of course, is that she doesn’t have to do any of these things.  Her stress is coming from the thought “I have to do/be… this that the other”.

She had already analyzed the situation “he’s crossing my boundaries again, he’s using me and sucking my energy dry – I can feel it!  He’s hooking into my Solar Plexus!  No wonder I’m exhausted all the time, he’s using me like a vampire!”  Ouch!  Well, she had read all the right books!  Coaching 101 around Boundaries, Brennan on Energy Vampires, Myss on Chakras….but did it really matter that she had all the correct language for the ‘New Age Self Developed Woman’?  No, not really.  At the end of the day, she was still looking outside herself to blame and label and excuse.

Essentially the question is, “Do you WANT to feel down and depressed because of your fear?”  Of course not! She said with a start.  “So why”, I asked, “are you blaming your husband for stating a fact and highlighting to you your negative behavior?”  If you want to feel depressed than do so, but please don’t blame your husband for pointing it out.

Ahh, how freeing to truly own your own mood!  How delicious to be honest and brave enough to say “Thank you husband darling for pointing out my negative behavior!  I have told you many times before that I am striving for more peace and happiness in my life and you are highlighting my actions and my thoughts to me whenever I deviate from my course…Thank you!!”

Decide who you want to be in this world, then be it.  And thank graciously and genuinely anyone who is helping you stay on your path.

Law of Attraction - how to have more of what you want

I just completed a 'Dreams Alive' course in collaboration with ILC and was struck again by how easy - yet how hard - applying the Law of Attraction really is. In essence it is the simplest thing in the world – ASK for what you want, give your ATTENTION to it, ALLOW it to come to you. What could be easier?! The difficulty is in every step – the difficulty is in asking correctly, giving it the correct attention, and finally allowing it fully and without reservations.

1. Let’s take the asking bit. Firstly most of us ask for what we DON’T want:

• I don’t want to be in debt! should be I want to be prosperous!
• I want to lose weight should be I want to be slim
• I don’t want this illness should be I want to be in perfect health

Often we make the mistake of focusing on what we don’t want, and unfortunately, with the Law of Attraction, this just guarantees we get more of it! The more we don’t want to be in debt, the more energy and thought we give to the idea of being in debt – the more debt we get! Yikes!! The more we focus on our weight, the more attention and thought we give to our weight – the more weight we get!! Etc. So the first difficulty with getting what you want, is actually knowing what it is you want, then asking for it in a positive way.

2. Giving what you want your full, positive, highly attractive attention! Here’s the stumbling block for many and the embedded Abrahams-Hicks video if a superb example of this. Most of us focus on the negative, we focus on the lack of what we haven’t got and we rarely spend time daydreaming about how fabulous it will be when we have it.

Let’s say we want peace and contentment – yet most of the time we focus on the fact we are so stressed and out of balance. Law of Attraction will keep giving us what we focus on, so we will get even more stress and imbalance. Focusing on what you want means spending time ‘practicing’ peace and contentment. The more you practice, the better you get, the better you get, the more you get! It seems so obvious (which is why I said it is SO simple, yet so hard) but to us it seems mildly ridiculous to pretend something we are not. All the experts agree however, the more you practice something, the better you become. 5 minutes a day practicing peace and contentment soon turns into 10 into 20 etc. Soon you life may still be in total chaos, yet you will remain in peace – law of attraction in action!

3. Finally, allowing. Why is this so hard? Well, think about what you truly want, deep in your heart – then think – do I really believe 100% that I can a. have it and b. deserve it? You’ll be amazed. Michael Losier author of ‘Law of Attraction’ says the speed of your manifestation ie. How quickly what you want comes into being, is directly related to your level of doubt. If you have zero doubt you can have something it comes to you immediately. If you have some doubt if you can have something, it may take a while. If you have 100% doubt you can have something, you never will.

Personally I think this is the key to using Law of Attraction – remove all doubt, and you will manifest immediately. However, as this is a stretch for most of us the great thing is, by making small changes in our use of words and our thoughts we can make big changes in the way we attract good things into our lives.

If you’d like to know more, let me know, I run courses and personal coaching sessions on this and more to help you unlock your flow and reach your dreams!  Please also visit www.youtube.com/whattherapy for a favourites list of other great videos!

Making Dreams come True

I’d like to tell you a story of an extraordinary woman, Hattie Hasan.  I met her in London in 2006 at a workshop I was attending.  During the workshop the facilitator asked her to tell us about her goal.  She spoke very passionately about how she was a plumber and wanted to train up other women to be plumbers and how she wanted to grow and run the largest women-only plumbing company in England.  We all applauded and thought ‘wow, cool goal’.  The facilitator then paused, looked at her and asked, ‘Yes, but what is your TRUE goal, what else is there inside of you, what else is in you that is bigger than you, what you are here to do?’

Well, you could hear a pin drop.  Hattie stood for about 30 seconds and then she said ‘I’m a plumber, I work with water every day, yet every day millions of people in the world have no access to water, and millions of people in the world don’t have access to running, clean water.  To me it’s simply UNACCEPTABLE.  What I want to do is ensure every household in the world has access to clean, safe water.  That’s my true goal, that’s what’s really inside me.’

The hall erupted into a standing ovation, the emotion was amazing.  It was in that moment that I saw for myself the power of dreaming, and not only dreaming inside of ourselves and our immediate lives, but dreaming beyond yourself to your bigger purpose. 

Since that day, Hattie’s life was transformed in ways she could have never imagined.  She now runs a company called Extraordinary Balls and raised UKP50,000 for Charity at her inaugural ball in the UK last year.  She and her team are now in the process of launching global balls all over the world this year and will be raising hundreds of thousands of dollars to help eradicate poverty and water shortage. 

The power of Dreams!

I often reflect on that amazing moment with Hattie and wonder, where would she be now, what would she be doing now if she hadn’t got up in front of all those people and stated her bigger goal?  My guess is she would still be a plumber, and still be thinking ‘I’ll give my money to charity, once I make some.’  Luckily for her, she woke up and took action, and now she’s living her dream, contributing and making a massive difference in the world.

So over to you, what dream do you have?  Do you have a burning desire, a ‘when I retire I’ll do…’

DON’T WAIT!

Whether you dream of taking a cruise to the Caribbean, climbing Mt Everest, writing a book, or simply spending more time with your family – our Dreams are an important indicator of what we’re here to do.  We’re here to realize our potential, to stretch and challenge ourselves. 

New can be uncomfortable, charting new waters is always uncomfortable.  There is a great saying, “the only difference between fear and excitement is our breath, when we are fearful: we hold it.”

Anything you can dream about you can do, or it wouldn’t be a dream.  If you don’t have a gift for music, you wouldn’t dream of being a great opera singer.  If you don’t have a gift for climbing, you would never want to climb Everest.  Your dreams are specific to you, and specific to your innate abilities.  So be assured…whatever you Dream, you can do.

STEPS to take today:

1. Articulate your dream, what is it you want to achieve?

2. Uncover the legacy behind it, WHY do you want to achieve it?

3. Take the decision, why must you do it NOW?

4. Set a date, WHEN must you do this by?

5. Take the first step, what must I do today to take me one step closer?

Do these 5 simple steps, and you will be well on your way!  Let the HOW unravel step by step and keep open to new possibilites.  If you are very clear on the first two steps and you have made a conscious decision to DO it, and then you take action steps daily - it can't not happen!

To find out more about Elaine's Dreams Workshops please contact her for upcoming dates!

Appreciating the Phases of Parenthood

What keeps you from going over the deep end when mothering seems to be nothing but endless sleepless nights, days full of chores, and nothing but stress and tantrums?  For me, it is the knowledge that parenthood is forever changing, some moments are horribly challenging, and others are easier and deliciously fun.

My mothering seems to be going through an easier phase at the moment.  I was pondering this during one of several blissfully lazy afternoons by the pool whilst I watched my children play and read a book!  Can this be true?  Can my children fend for themselves for afew moments whilst I actually do stuff I want to do??

Pick me up for I have fainted!

Isn't this great?  Without the struggle of 24/7 early motherhood, who could imagine the pure joy and delight of spending 20 minutes reading a book in the sunshine!  Wow, it was amazing, I felt all luxurious and pampered.  I know, sad, but true.  It also made me realise that every part of parenthood is a phase.  When we are in the throws of 'babyhood' it seems this little precious bundle will never be strong enough, independent enough to fend for themselves - parenthood as we know it then seems to straddle off into the distance, we'll be forever shackledto the tedium and exhaustion.  But afew short years (ah, I know, it seems like an eternity, but you'll get there!) and here we are, playing in a pool together laughing and enjoying each others' company - not a tantrum in sight.

I've noticed that if I hold onto the thought that 'this too will pass', I can get through the monster child phases more effortlessly, and it also reminds me to take hold of those moments in the water and ENJOY and savour and soak it all up, because those too, will eventually pass.

Thriving in Motherhood Coaching course

  Today the typical new mother is a working woman, she values her independence and freedom, she is probably older, wiser, more self-confident and self-supporting than her mother was when she was starting a family.  Her family support network is not necessarily in the same town, let alone the same country.

To be suddenly thrown into the role of devoted mother, dutiful partner, efficient homemaker, and gourmet cook is a total transition for most modern women, and one most of us are completely unprepared for.
 

If you have also transitioned from professional working woman to ‘stay at home mom’, the transition is even harder as you are probably dealing with other changes such as status, worsened financial situation, boredom and lack of control.

This course is designed to help mothers going through this huge transition.  Its objective is to help you keep sight of yourself, your dreams, and your happiness. 

Read more...!

What is Coaching and is it for me?

Coaching Creates lasting change. A Coach helps you to focus on what you want in life, helps you to plan, and finally put into action events that will get you there. A Coach provides the sounding board, the support, and the extra motivation to keep you on track. Most importantly, a Coach is always on your side.Changes usually fail because we lack persistence; it’s too easy to fall back on old habits and the way we’ve always done things. For change to last, you need to break the old habit and replace it with a new and healthier one. A Coach provides the encouragement you need to keep persisting.

When we change, all those around us have to change too - and this can be hard for others to support. When we are trying to break out of old molds, sometimes those we love most try to hold us back - not because they don’t love us, but because most people fear change. A coach is an objective yet supportive partner in your efforts to change, especially when you need to create a supportive environment beyond your friends and family.

WHO CAN A COACH HELP?

Anyone who is willing to apply themselves, and wanting to grow. My most successful clients are willing to be 100% honest about themselves, and willing to dig deep. They are usually very courageous, and take action.

Coaching only works when you are motivated to try new ways of thinking, and are open to feeling ‘uncomfortable’ as new habits are formed. People who respond best to coaching are self-aware, enjoy personal growth, and willing to be honest with themselves.

WHY COACHING WORKS

It’s a Partnership not a Crutch!
A coach supports you, yet is independent. The relationship is equal, and respectful. Its not counseling or psychotherapy, the focus is always on what you want to achieve

There are Frequent Meetings and Structure.
Goals and direction are set and weekly reviews are made. It is very motivating, and amazing progress is made! Having accountability means that new habits are much easier to form and keep.

Focus is Holistic.
The aim is to strengthen all areas of your life and not just focus on the issue at hand. Life is much easier, and clearer, when in balance.

Better Goals are Set.
You set the goals you truly want, and are ready for. Higher goals are set because of the support and affirmation you get from the coach.

The work is Deep and Meaningful.
A coach helps you get to the source of what’s happening, instead of working on the surface symptoms. Coaches help you uncover the true issues at work.

You take Effective Action.
The focus is on awareness and action to create the life you want more quickly vs. being ‘busy’. Actions are chosen because they will have a profound impact on your goals, not just to have a hefty ‘to do’ list.

The Law of Attraction is Applied.
When you feel good about yourself, you begin to attract good things into your life, as opposed to chasing it or trying hard to get it. This is when you are in the ‘flow’.

HOW DOES A COACHING SESSION WORK?

A typical coaching session takes place face to face, or via telephone. Sessions are usually 45min to an hour. Conversations might centre around; What’s working and what’s not. Things you are currently stretching for and issues you would like to resolve. Any actions you are currently taking and actions you feel inspired to take in the future. Any barriers you feel resistance to and ways to overcome them.

Every session is focused on finding ways forward, not looking backwards.

Most Coaches offer free introductory sessions so that both Coach and “Coachee” can see if there is a good fit. When you talk to a Coach, have some goals prepared and see what sort of questions the Coach asks you, and whether you have a good ‘gut feel’ about how the session went. Its good to shop around and talk to several Coaches…I always do!

Being True to YOU

If someone is rude to you, are you rude in return?  Do you believe in an eye for an eye, or do you believe in following your own inner guidance system?  We all have different values and following other peoples’ beliefs instead of your own can cause considerable pain and unhappiness.

I recently gave a talk on Reiki and Stress and an encounter with a lady in the audience gave me food for thought. During my talk I was explaining the difference between our internal values and vision, and our limiting beliefs. She provided me with a brilliant example. Here is her story:

She is a Singaporean but spent much of her life abroad. When she came back several years ago, she experienced a big culture shock. She decided that the only way to really live happily is to try to 'fit in', when in Rome..... Her examples were mainly to do with courtesy, she seemed to feel that people here are not very courteous - they don't acknowledge you, say thank you, say sorry when they bump into you etc. This perplexed her, but her reaction was to follow the crowd. So now she also does not acknowledge, does not say sorry, does not give thanks.

What was interesting about her story is that while she was telling it, she was obviously not very happy about who she had become. In order to become what she viewed as Singapore behavior' she had lost sight of who she wanted to be. As you can imagine, her comments erupted a lot of heated discussion - not least from those who disagreed with her view of Singapore! My point here is not her actual belief, but how damaging that belief is to her happiness.

If we look at her internal values - she probably feels that being courteous, kind, giving thanks, and acknowledging people is very important. Certainly she feels that being acknowledged by others herself is very important.

Yet her limiting beliefs are:
1) Singaporeans are not courteous
2) People only deserve my acknowledgement if they acknowledge me first
3) In order to be happy I have to act like other people

In my eyes, and in yours I'm sure, all these beliefs are limiting because they are all inaccurate!

In being true to yourself, you need to decide how you are going to behave in this world - then behave like that, no matter what. We need to figure out our values, what is important to us and then make sure all our beliefs align up with that.

So if we were to review her beliefs, and align them with her values (to be courteous, to acknowledge others, to be kind), we could say:

1) people have their own ways of behaving
2) people deserve my acknowledgement
3) I am responsible for my own happiness

Notice that values are things that come from deep inside, they are not 'needs' from other people. They are ways we want to behave - no matter what others are doing. If you think your value is based on what others think about you, or how others behave around you, then you are muddling up values with needs. I might need people to approve of me, I might need people to acknowledge me - but that is not the same as how I will value and behave towards them, at all times.

Being true to yourself requires courage, and it may require letting go of people who disapprove. Asking them politely to let you do what you feel is right for you, and acknowledging that they would do it differently. Asking them to respect your values, and respecting theirs in return.

I still smile at people when they look grouchy - and 7out of 10 they smile back. 3 out of 10 they do not. Are those 3 people going to dictate the way I feel, and how I behave next time?

Be Happy FIRST, Change your Life SECOND

Do you think in order to be happy you have to improve your life, reach your goals, or change something? Actually it is actually the other way round. Once you realize you can be happy right NOW even with your life in total chaos - THEN change can occur, and will occur effortlessly.Focus on being happy and the rest will follow.

Here’s an example: Imagine its 5pm. The kids are tired and hungry. They’re whining for food, for TV, for juice, for hugs. You’re tired and stressed out. You’re juggling the hot saucepan whilst trying to reason with your eldest who’s throwing a tantrum because you mixed her peas in with her carrots. You’re starting to panic because you’ve got company tonight and the house looks like a bomb hit it. Then your youngest throws his plate on the floor and splatters food everywhere. Pause….What’s your next response?

Throw a tantrum too?

Take a deep breath, laugh, or just relax?

Either choice…..what’s the consequence of each response?

1. By throwing a tantrum or getting exasperated you choose to escalate the tension. You get angry, you huff and puff whilst clearing up the mess, you raise your voice and feel uptight. Your children feel bad, mommy’s angry and it’s their fault, they get whinier still vying for your attention. Your spiral of anger and frustration increases.

2. By laughing, or relaxing you choose to defuse it. You release the tension in your body, your children get to laugh with you “oops, look what just happened, lets be more careful next time, ok?” The tension evaporates; you remember how wonderful your children are. The whining is exchanged for playfulness.

In both cases, you still have to clear up the mess and prepare the house for guests – but it is not hard to see which response will be more fun, and bring more happiness to you and your children. You are not the victim here, you are in control – you choose your response, no one else does it for you.

Happiness is a Habit!

No one says being in control of your response is easy! The key is to keep practicing your response. Simply practicing and choosing to be happy will have an immediate impact on your outlook. Try this exercise…

…think about an event that brings you great joy - a fabulous achievement, a wonderful holiday, the birth of your child, your marriage day….anything that you can remember clearly as being a happy time. Bring up the memory again in your mind, close your eyes and fill your mind with the memory. Breath deeply into the memory, visualize it as clearly as you can with all your senses - what can you see, feel, hear, touch, smell. Can you feel the same feelings of joy and happiness? Because you can re-create it in your imagination, it means it is always available to you. Feelings of happiness come from WITHIN, not from without!

For the following few days, consciously remind yourself of this happy memory as often as you can (write post-its, pop-up email reminders, anything to keep you constantly changing your thought habits). Don’t just think of a person (eg. child, loved one) but think of an occasion with the person that was a happy one - its easier for your mind to attach an emotion to a particular incident, and easier for you to recall.

Take care to do this at a deeper level than simply thinking ‘I’m happy’! You need to remember the incident with your heart. For some of us it may mean creating ‘quiet time’ for a few minutes every few hours. Try it every time you go to the bathroom!

Watch out for your inner self-sabotage, that voice that says”this is so fake!” and ask your inner voice “Why would you prefer me to feel angry?!” Some days you will prefer to feel frustrated or sad or angry – but this is your choice, even if you have the worst day in the world, you can still choose to remember a happy memory, or to submerse yourself in the negativity of the events around you. These are your thoughts, choose the happy ones!